My birthday doesn't feel good anymore. Life doesn't feel good anymore. I have been stuck in a vacuum of time since my mom passed away in 2019. Honestly, it feels like things have gone downhill since that day. "Jay, how can you say that? Be grateful, you're still here." I say to myself repeatedly sometimes over and over in a single day. Yes, I'm in love and engaged. Yes, I am financially stable and I have a job during a pandemic, something that at one point 33 million people in the U.S. couldn't say, but the fact that we have to state things like this is the problem. We have a president that would rather speak on his personal angst with the liberal party than focus on the safety of himself and the rest of the country. Racial tensions are high as they have been in decades. WE ARE IN A GLOBAL PANDEMIC and the United States doesn't want to follow directions. Two years ago, I would have never believed we would be at this point. Okay, with the racial tensions, yes, but a virus that kills hundreds of thousands worldwide absolutely not. How do you expect me to be happy about getting married when my mom isn't here?
I can't go home to see my family and my entire state pretends everything is fine when everything is on fire.
I can't be happy. I do have my health, my fiance, and my friends. I am grateful for that but, it hurts knowing that we aren't making progress in being better humans and better caregivers for each other. Today is my birthday and I'm not okay....
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