This is the second birthday, I have not been able to call you or send you a gift you have been hinting at all year. Two years ago today we were in Orlando watching you do the conga line with the dancers at Mangos. You were so happy, wanting to go back to Mangos later that night for their costume party. I missing you smiling so hard at watching other black women "have a ball" dancing with each other. I still wish I would have let you stay longer.
I wish we had more days like the day before in Universal. Riding the Minions ride and eating cotton candy. I'm still sorry for always being focused on my relationship all the way until that last day I saw you. You were always comforting me after a fight, kneeling next to my bed even though you were just on your feet for 8 hours that night.
I wish I could send you flowers, hear you call me "boo boo" and say I love you again. It doesn't get any easier without and I know it never will. I just hope that up there you are still looking out for me, proud of the person I am being because I am just striving to be even a percent of the women, sister, daughter, and best friend you were.
I cry even now as I write these words because I just want them to reach you. Mommy, I hope you know how much I miss you each and every day. I still love you more than you could ever know.
Happy 57th Birthday.
Jayla
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