Life - Will I find the One?

Since the week we got engaged, everyone has asked me about my dress. And yet, here I am. I have knit-picked over every dress I tried on. I bet you want to know why.

I have no emotion in them. I feel nothing.

This does not feel real to me. I try on the dresses know that I look nice but, I do not feel the fireworks inside the way I did when I would watch Say Yes to the Dress on Sundays. Why is that? I am marrying the person I want, but not with the people I want near me.

Ever since I was little my mom has been there to help pick every dress I have ever worn. She has told me when I looked perfect and it was her smile that created that magic for me. I will never see that smile and those eyes look at me and make me feel like I am beautiful. My heart is still broken, I am still lost in time.

Missing you.

I know I have to find one, move on and marry the one I love but, doing it without you feels wrong, painful, it's torture. You were supposed to be here with me.

Mom, please give me the strength to find the one. Find happiness without you.